The Earth in Crisis

It is 2105 and our planet is in a heap of trouble - literally. Wasteful generation after wasteful generation has deposited more and more trash on the face of our planet, so much so that we can no longer survive on our beloved planet. So, we create small robots that clear trash out of the way as we humans depart in giant cruise spaceships created by 'Buy n Large' and wait for the robots to clean up our mess.

Yes, I confess, I may have taken some of those ideas from the Pixar film Wall-E (another excellent film I must say). However, the problem that is (perhaps over-dramatically) portrayed in Wall-E is a very real problem that our generation may be facing in the near future if we continue living life as wastefully as we have been living for years now.

But wait, before I get off-topic, trash and pollution aren't the focus of the crisis I'm telling you about, they are merely the factors. Global Warming is the real issue at hand; trash and pollution are simply causes for this much more deadly and threatening effect. For years, research has been conducted trying to find ways to combat this horrible fate fast-approaching us; scientist after scientist has tossed out solutions such as driving hybrid cars (yeah right) or eliminating all styrofoam waste (sorry chinese takeout), but to no avail. However, recent scientific evidence has finally come to a conclusion on the main factor of global warming: The Sun.

Yes, the sun is indeed the main cause of global warming. So, the obvious solution: eliminate the sun. Now, I don't expect you to believe this just because an amazingly well-educated and intellectual person told you, so I will relay for you the results of the recent scientific study that was conducted. If you still doubt, you can repeat the procedure in the comfort of your own home with a very small list of supplies.

Supplies

• Heat Lamp (can be bought at pet-co)
• Styrofoam Model Earth, approximately 3" in diameter (if you still believe the scientists of older days, you can get an earth-friendly model made of recycled corn starch if you would like. Although, after conducting the experiment, you will probably regret expending the extra effort.)
• Assorted Hairsprays and pollutants
• Thermometer

Procedure

1. Set up your heat lamp so it is facing outward at a 90 degree angle to the table.
2. Place your model earth approximately 1 to 2 feet from the heating lamp.
3. Heavily coat the earth in hairspray and other pollutants (be generous here), then record the (external) temperature of your model earth.
4. Turn on heating lamp and let sit for 5 minutes. Record the temperature. You will notice that your styrofoam earth begins to heat up. This is normal, as heat will reach the model because of radiation, much like heat from the sun reaches earth.
5. Now attempt to wipe off most of the pollutants from the earth. This represents traditional attempts to clean up our earth and slow global warming. Let your model sit for 5 more minutes and record the temperature. You will notice that your styrofoam earth is still heating up, even though most (if not all) the pollutants are gone.
6. Turn off the heat lamp and let your model earth sit for 2 minutes. Record the temperature. You will now notice that in only 20% of the time spent heating up the earth, the temperature has already decreased.
7. Again, heavily coat the earth in hairspray and other pollutants (with the lamp still off) then record the temperature one final time. Even after placing more pollutants on the earth, you will still find that the temperature is dropping.

Therefore, the sun is the main cause of global warming. Our only sure-fire way to get this problem under control is to extinguish the sun.